Its 2:49am right now for me, in St. Andrews, UK. Just made a blog so I can write freely which I haven’t done in a long time. Well, now I don’t really know what to write.
Lets introduce myself to all the viewers of this blog. Nice to meet you all! I feel like I am typing/writing into a space where none of what I write matters. I just feel like it will be forever stored somewhere in the vast depths of information stored as 1’s and 0’s on an immaterial artificial space. Makes me feel like my attempts at asserting myself as a being or character in this world I for better or worse have been born to live in. I would like to reflect a little more on my perception of my place in this space. Theres currently around 7 billion humans living on this planet, but I really don’t care for probably more than 10-20ish of them. I wonder if that is how I think, doctors likewise probably don’t care about any of their patients either. Not saying that they should be blamed, but more that living in this self proclaimed ‘society’ feels more like im living in an artificially conjured social structure that deceives me into thinking that I am responsible and have agency in the functioning of this society. To be honest I feel like I really don’t matter to society at all.
I am not from St. Andrews, as in I was not born here. I lived most of my life somewhere else. But it doesn’t matter. It seems that no matter where I am situated in this world, I feel like I still am deceived or am playing into an artificial illusion that I am part of this social community. I only am now slowly realising that many of my beliefs of my own social identity feels surreal. For instance, my loyalty to the human race, or human development in general. Fuck that. There is no correlation between what species I am and whether I should be loyal or helpful to that same species. Even the concept of species is erroneous. I don’t think lions would help another lion just because they look the same. Fucking racism? Speciesism?
So what am I supposed to do, knowing that all these responsibilities that come with my identity as a human being part of a greater race is conjured magic? This dream of nations, of glorification is probably all superfluous shit to occupy our minds with and concentrate labour and power into a few. So the question remains, what do I do?
I guess I would have to look back at when human communities were smaller, and they were only created to fulfil their survival needs. Anything more would be a deliberate social form of oppression, in order for someone to gain more than what they need. In this fabricated world filled with fake relations and responsibilities to religion, race, country, nation, climate, etc etc etc. I feel like I need to meditate on this more, to really dispel the effects of these ephemeral chains, and set my mind free to think for myself as an individual, to really find something worth doing. I do not want to participate in the false world of man.
Staying Insane 